Today was probably the happiest day of my life. My daughter, the apple of my eyes, was finally tying knot with someone she loved dearly. I being a single mother judged myself at every stage, just like I was judging myself today. Have I taken the right decision by trusting her choice? Will he keep her happy? Will she be able to adjust in the new set up? The questions kept taking twirls in my head.

Ria could gauge it. “What happened Mumma? Whats bothering you so much?” I looked at my daughter. She looked so pretty in this red lehenga. She had got it stitched using my wedding lehenga, she wanted to do it for the emotional value it had. She looked just so elegant and beautiful dressed up as a bride. I just kept looking at her with my eyes all moist.  I kept quiet for sometime, and then spoke… “Ria you always wanted to know why I separated from your Dad, right?”

“Yes Mumma, I really did, but only if you are comfortable”, she answered. I said, “Ria, your father and I separated because we lost respect for each other.” Ria was quiet, “Is that it Mumma?” I continued, “Well, yes Beta, that is it. Your father and I were very happy together, especially when you came into our lives. We both adored you. Then gradually your father got busy with earning more and more money to give you all the comforts of life. There were those times I told him to slow down a bit, I told him I needed him too, you needed his time too and not just money. But he wouldn’t listen. He got addicted to work. He would attend to his office even on weekends. We would spend all holidays just by ourselves, without him. Gradually, I started drifting away from him.” Ria spoke, “Mumma, did he have an affair? I had heard you both fighting for some affair. I didn’t understand what it meant then. And by the time I understood, I didn’t bring it up to hurt you even more.” I answered, “No Beta, he didn’t. Infact it was me who felt for some other man. The day he found out, he went mad. He just went completely crazy. I apologized to him many times, but it wasn’t enough. Everytime he would tell me, he is ready to forget the past and move on, but then with every small little fight, he would taunt me with something or the other. I would become uncomfortable with his questions. He would ask me, if he touched me, if he slept with me, and what not. But never did he ask me if I fell in love with him. All that he cared for was the physical part and nothing else. I thought he would eventually forget it all but he didn’t. Even after a year, each fight would become ugly and each fight would mean more and more accusations of the past. Then I lost it. I think somewhere I felt I lost that respect for myself in his eyes. That is when I decided to move on. For me, my self respect was very important. I was ready to ask for forgiveness for as long as it was needed as what I committed was probably a sin, but then I did expect him to move on when he said he had forgiven me. Things have to move on right, and if you keep bringing the past back, then you are not doing good to yourself, to me or to anyone!

Do you know why I am telling you all this today? It is because I also want you to always remember that your self respect is your priority. You must love him with all that you have, you must make adjustments like every one else does, but you must always maintain your integrity and respect intact.

If he tells you to quit non vegetarian, its your choice. If you feel you can do this for him, you must. But if he tells you to quit your job, then you are losing your identity and that…………You must not!

If he tells you to stay quiet when his mother scolds you, you can, its your choice. But if he tells you to stay quiet whenever you both have an argument as he does not want to listen to your perspective, then you are losing your identity, and that my child………You must not!

If he tells you to take care of your children, you must as you love them. But if he asks you to leave your career to take care of them, then you are again losing your identiy, and that my daughter…….. You must not!

If he tells you that this dress does not suit you, then you must understand. But if he tells, you do not look good no matter what you wear, then you must not listen to him, because he is questioning your identity and that he must not!

If he tells you that he wants to go out with his friends alone, then you must understand he will have his own life. But if he tells you, you cannot go out with your friends alone, then you must not understand, as that is losing your identity, and that You must not!

My child, your identity is yours and yours alone. Your respect is in your hands. Do not ever give anyone, not even your husband the right to question your identity, to question your self respect. If ever you feel, that your respect for him is diminishing and his respect for you is fainting, then its time to re-think, then its time to analyse your relationship. If you feel there is nothing in it that make you respect him anymore, then probably child you must take your decisions. Always remember, that your mother is always by your side and this house will always be your house.

Ria hugged me very tightly for she knew what her mother meant. That’s when Ria and I walked holding hands down the aisle…………